Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
