Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
