Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So. Much. Porn.
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