OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
