i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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