my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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