I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
