I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
