shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
