i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
