My nipple is on Facebook.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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