walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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