So drunk its hurt
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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