I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you didnt know i had herpes?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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