all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
