I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
