u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
