so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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