so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
