what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
