I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
