things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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