I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
