She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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