if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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