Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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