In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
