My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
