You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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