Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We don't watch enough power rangers
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
