I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
