Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize