Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
