First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
