I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
