im six kinds of drunk right now
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
