you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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