Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
