Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
