is your mom at the bar?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i believe in u and ur pee
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
