no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
