he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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