He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
