She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
