It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
