I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
