I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
