Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
