My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
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Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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