Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
