I threw up into my coffee this morning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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