Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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