Will you blow on my dice?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
