I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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