Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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