so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
