We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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