I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
