Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
