he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
