I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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