When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
how does that bad decision feel?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
