Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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