im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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