So drunk its hurt
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
